Taken too soon

Hey Hey! 😀

I wasn’t sure bout writing anything but I feel that given the situation that the world is going through I feel I need to share. Unfortunately me and my family have suffered a great loss. I do not wish to share too many details but I do want to reach out to others that maybe going through a similar thing.

My Mum was the glue and the main one in my family that kept us all together as much as possible. We have never really been a close family but having my mum get infected and passing away has caused us to experience different versions of grief, but all have brought us to a place we never imagined we would have to experience anytime soon. My Mum was in the hospital less then a week and I guess we tried to manage without her thinking she’ll be home soon. When Mum did leave I guess in some ways we felt she was still at the hospital and there were even times where I was in my bedroom thinking she was downstairs watching t.v but when I got there I remembered she wasn’t going to be there :0( I have gone through all kinds of phases where I cried every night, struggled to finish my food, wandered round the house looking for Mum in the middle of the night, experienced serious denial resulting in panic attacks and I even stayed up all night almost every single night and then when it caught up with me at the end of the week I fell asleep through my shift and never showed up to work.

Mum being gone has made me feel worried bout the future and how she wont be a part of it. This whole year is going to be horrible during special occasions and events and so far we have had to go through Mothers day, four birthdays including my Mums and Easter and we still have many more things to come our way. The times I have mentioned are probably going to eventually be something we all get used to but somethings we won’t ever get past. Getting married, having babies, first house and many more big milestones that come our way will be difficult to swallow. I always imagined that one day I will give my parents grandchildren and that they could spend special time together and its one thing I thought I could at least do to make them happy even if I couldn’t do so in other ways. Being a woman myself and going through such things as marriage and pregnancy I always imagined a Mother to play a massive part in bringing mothers and daughters closer together. I thought that this will make it so they were no longer just mother and child but also able to relate to each other woman to woman. I always thought bout being able to ask my mum her thoughts and feelings during these times so we could share our experiences together. All my firsts was important for me and it makes me feel that I will be missing out on something big now Mum is no longer here to see them and experience them too.

I Miss Mum and just want her to come back and I feel that its so unfair that playing by the rules still ended up with us losing someone so important to us. I have met many people who carry on as normal, doing whatever they like without a care for anyone else just because they don’t want to be uncomfortable for a little while, where as others, are having to go through more then just a little discomfort because someone else didn’t take care to protect others. We are all having to make small sacrifices to get through this awful and irritating time but I just want us to all make it out of this by just playing by the rules so we don’t have to make big sacrifices which we can never get back. Me and my family made plans with Mum saying next year (meaning this year)we will do things differently and that we will just make do for now but now we don’t even get Mum and as for the plans for this year well they just don’t matter anymore without her….

Please reach out to me if you have lost someone important to you during this time

X x x