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Coping with Depression- Your Depression

Hey Hey!!

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I have a slightly different thing to talk about for today and it is not the best but I feel it is important, especially for those who feel they need a bit of help. I will however inform you that I am not a professional and this is only my experiences and what has worked for me.

One thing which is pretty much obvious is that there will be changes from yourself and your Loved one. Just so this post isn’t really really long I will do another post for the second part of this which is Coping with your Loved ones depression.

If you are suffering from depression

My Experience

I actually had a depression for over a year and I didn’t even realise it until my Special Someone told me. I knew I was sad about some things that had been going on but I didn’t realise how bad it was. He told me that I wasn’t as happy and lively as I normally was and sometimes I’d randomly start tearing up. He was worried about me and he wanted me to go see a doctor. The doctor I saw did a little questionnaire type thing with me and then decided to give me a few weeks and then come back to see her again. When I saw her the second time she sent me off to see a therapist but unfortunately the therapist did not help me and was very judgemental on a lot of what I spoke to her about so my experience was not a good one.

I went back to the doctor and told her what happened and she had another talk with me but like she said she doesn’t have the full knowledge to help me professionally with depression.

When it came to me, I hid my depression, it was never done intentionally but alot of my family and friends never knew or even found out, even today. Somehow I managed to bring out a ‘normal’ me(can’t really say happier me as I could definitely be a happier normal me) in front of everybody else but on my own at the end of the day or when with my Special Someone I let out everything I tried to keep in.

How My Special Someone coped

My Special Someone was the only one that knew about my depression which meant I spoke to him a lot about how I was feeling and what was going on with me. As I have mentioned in previous blog posts he is not well equipped to deal with certain situations so does suffer quite a bit, but he does his best. He has suffered from depression and would roughly know what I was going through, but his idea was to try to forget things and move on (something he has difficulty in doing himself). This was one piece of advice which was actually quite valuable if you actually do it (and use it yourself). During my depression I did become quite clingy towards my Special Someone. I always wanted to talk to him, see him etc. and it was getting a bit much for him. He had to tell me that he would be there for me but he didn’t want me to rely on him all the time for every little thing as it would effect me and would lead to disappointment and would most likely make me feel worse. We tried to strike a happy medium so that I would still have his support and he wouldn’t go crazy with me.

My Special Someone was always very affectionate and always there for a cuddle when I needed him and he always did something that made me smile and laugh. I am thankful for him being there as I don’t think would have got through it without out him (not to say I didn’t do anything myself- see next paragraph)

How I over came

As I mentioned earlier I only had my Special Someone’s support and due to the reasons that brought on my depression I didn’t have a lot of people to turn to so I was pretty lonely. I had some people I spoke to but I never mentioned my depression and sometimes it was hard to pretend everything was ok although it was rather nice other times just to forget my worries.

Hobbies.

I didn’t really have many hobbies growing up so I figured I will get some. I started off with watching stuff on Youtube. It did begin with listening to very emotional music but then I got involved with beauty videos and vlogs that I started watching daily(not entirely sure if that’s a hobby but there you go)

I also started keeping a “happy book” it’s kind of like a selective diary type of thing. Whenever something good happen I would write it in the book, I would write what I appreciated, what I was thankful for and what my highlights or favourite parts of the day were and at the end of the month I would go read everything I wrote in that month. I still keep this up even today.

Inspired by the Youtube videos and my Love of nail polish I started up some nail art and took pictures of every manicure.

I went to the library once week and read two -three books every week. I generally read what I would call “women’s fiction” which is on the shelves marked Fiction. All the stories about crazy friends, horrible bosses, complicated love lives and strange families.

I started watching Korean and Thai romantic comedies movies. No I dea how that happened but I actually really enjoy them even today.

One other hobby I picked up is writing this blog. I wasn’t writing this particular blog I actually had a general topic/ journal type of blog on blog spot but I decided to get rid of it and start again with a more specific topic in these blogs.  

I also picked up sewing and learnt the blanket stitch. I enjoyed making little plushies and even made a Furry Princess one to give my Special Someone.

I think doing all these things really helped me think about what I like and enjoy and it made me happy. I also made sure to get out of the house at least once or twice a week as at the time I was not working. While at home I did keep busy so I would do the hobbies I spoke of above, done some chores and generally got on with all the stuff that needed to be done.

I do have pets at home  and this was before we had our Furry Princess so I did spend time with them. The fact that they don’t understand or talk much made it nicer, as they would just listen to you and Love you as you are. Spending time together and enjoying each others company makes it all worth while.

I always focused on my happiness and what I wanted(a time when it is ok to be a little selfish) and tried to help myself through my problems. A lot of people may not know why or what happened for their depression to come along but lucky for me I had a rough idea, but unlucky for me it was a lot of things. I worked myself through each problem I had one by one. If it was certain people that made me unhappy and there was no way to sort the issues then I would let them go. For my own health and happiness it was important to filter certain people that weren’t helping. Even though I knew roughly why I was so down there was certain problems I couldn’t solve and there wasn’t a lot I could do to make things better so I just tried to accept it and make the best of it (sad I know)

Over half way through my depression is when our Furry Princess came along and all I wanted was to Love her so I focused a lot of my attention on her and it made me feel a bit better. Just watching her running around, watching her be happy with the most simple of things and just generally Loving life. Knowing of her history just made me respect her so much (weird I know, as she is a dog) The fact that she had such a hard life and the amount of people she had been passed around to, which would make it so hard for her to trust again but she still found a reason to be happy. Just thinking about her makes it possible that you can choose to be happy or you can choose to hold on to the past and never get through things. Definite role model!;0)

My advice to you

With depression they do say it’s important to be with your friends and family, do things you enjoy and focus on your needs. I would agree with that, but sometimes alone time is needed, just not so much if you plan on thinking about how sad and crappy your life is everyday. I would say it’s time to then try get out the house, call someone over or even do one of your hobbies :-)I would also suggest the Happy book above or even just thinking about three things that you liked about the day before you go to bed.

Talking to your friends and family will help you get your feelings out and help others understand what you are going through. If you feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to then maybe speak to a doctor about getting some help from a therapist. Make sure to inform them about what you are comfortable with e.g. man or woman. 

I would also like to point out one thing and that is sometimes you are your own worse enemy. Something that I feel would help is to find a way to motivate your self  to do things you don’t feel like, let go of the past, keep up your social life and be more positive and confident about yourself.

Please note that every ones depression is different. What may have worked for me may not work for you. Please do try my suggestions if you are suffering and I do hope that any of you that are going through a depression make it through it.

Share Your Thoughts! 😀

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X x x

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Are You ready for Love (making)??- Your First Time

Hey Hey!! 😀 

I don’t think I have even touched this topic and I feel maybe it is time to do so.

Please note: I am in no way an expert in anything I write (type! ;0))in this blog post I am just sharing my experiences and trying to guide you to make the right choice for you. Please do think carefully about what is right for you and what I have said in this post as once you have made your decision and followed it through it cannot be undone.

When it came to me thinking about my first time, I always imagined it would be with my husband on my wedding night or at least after I was married. In any ones book it would be the most ideal way, but whether or not it happens that way, well that pretty much lies in your hands.

My First Time was when I was 21 years old, for some that may be relatively old, but for me, I was glad I waited. However I do I feel I could have maybe waited a couple more years and it would have been better (maybe you will understand what I mean by that in the future). My First Time was with my second boyfriend (just to be clear I didn’t have two boyfriends at once ;0)) who is my Special Someone, who I have mentioned a few times in this blog.

When it came to making my decision I thought carefully but it wasn’t a full thinking session so I kind of took a bit of a risk(A good risk as we are still together 5years on :D). Thinking of it now I don’t think I will ever look back and have regrets, it was the right thing for us both at that time and I knew I could trust him but I do feel that I was quite lucky which is why I want to write this post.

Please click the link below for my blog post on trust: https://thesweetestpartsoflove.wordpress.com/2015/01/27/do-you-trust-me/

 When it comes to your first time it’s one of those things you will remember for the rest of your life and it’s one of those things that will make you feel very vulnerable. If I had a daughter I would want to make sure she was fully aware and informed of what could happen and how big a risk she is taking. Even though I consider myself lucky I do realise what could have gone wrong, who could have got hurt (emotionally) and how it would effect me for years to come. An example of this is a South Korean film I watched a little while back called Project Makeover. Here is a link to a wiki page:https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Makeover

and a link to the film:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU5T89Ge9kg&spfreload=10

 I will make you a little list of what you should think about or what I should have thought more about (it’s in no particular order)

Are you ready? – Do you really know what you are getting into and how you really feel about it? Is it something you want now

Are they the right person?- How do your feel about this guy/girl? Do you really like/Love them or is it just a crush? Does this person feel the same way about you?

Why you are making this decision?- Is this what you want or is it what your partner and friends are telling you to do?

Do you trust them?- Do you know what their intentions are and are you prepared to accept the consequences? What if things don’t go to plan and something happens to you?

Some of these I did think about already but not so in depth, so my request to you is to really think about all these things before you take such a big step as once you’ve taken it you can’t go back. Very important. It’s not always about the pregnancy risk it’s about what you could be risking. Here is another list but  this time of the after stuff, the consequences.

They could leave you- some girls or guys are just after you until they get what they want. Once they have it they have no reason to stick around

You could get humiliated- if you are still in a school environment or even if you are not people can make things very public very quickly with all this social media around. 

Pregnancy- if you are a girl and have no idea what is going on and you rely on the guy to provide protection this could be the result. Keep yourself well informed on contraception.

You could be used as a something on the side- sometimes there is an actual girlfriend or boyfriend around and you maybe used only for the physical stuff and never anything else. If you are a girl there has always been a thing about never being touched and only “belonging” to that guy.(hopefully this makes sense)

You could have regrets – if this guy or girl turns out to be no good and you meet someone else you may feel that this person should have been your first time and not the other person. You would feel that you should have waited for the right person to come along.

I am sure there are other things to be wary of but hopefully this gives you a idea of what may come.

I am not going to tell you all to wait until marriage for your first time, as sometimes it doesn’t always work out that way, but if you can wait then try to wait it out for that special person to come along but if you feel that now is the right choice and right time then just remember what we talked about. Also I really wouldn’t recommend it being with a crush or anyone you barely know, at least give a few months or a year to get to know them properly, it’s not something you can just give away to just anyone, even if you just want to get rid of it you may kick yourself later.

 First times are exciting experiences but they are very risky.

Hopefully I haven’t got you too worried, have fun and take care! 😀

Share Your Thoughts! 😀

X x x

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Cookin’ Up Lovin’

Hey Hey!! 😀

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I thought I would share something a little bit happier with you and that is about FOOD and COOKING :D:D YAY!

One thing I have noticed with my Special Someone is that he does not like cooking anything except his breakfast but he does like cooking with me 😀

I was always told that sharing food and eating from the same plate increased the Love. So cooking food must increase the Love further right?

The first thing we ever made together was an El Paso Fajita kit. We bought some fresh chicken, peppers and onions. We share the jobs, I end up chopping the chicken and he does the veg and we take turns stirring and putting things in the pan. It did well so it’s our go to meal, although we do add mushrooms, chilli and jalapeno now and on some occasions butter or cheese.

I do feel that “slaving over the stove” stuff as a couple makes it more worthwhile when we get to eat our meal together. I do encourage you to get with your Special Someone and make something together, whether you cook from scratch or not, cook up some Lovin’ in the kitchen. It really is the Heart of the Home ;0)

Share Your Thoughts! 😀

X x x

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Public Displays of Social Networking

Hey Hey!! 😀

I am sure we are all social networking online, whether it’s with Facebook, Twitter, Myspace or are even using picture sharing service like Instagram and I am sure we are all noticing something else on these websites. The Couples….

One thing about having your friends online with their boyfriends/ girlfriends or even their life partners (the married ones) is that more than half of them will want to share a lot of their happy Love snaps with everyone. Whether you are single or in a relationship it will definitely effect you, but you really shouldn’t let it.

Are their lives really better?

Social network sites, especially recently have always given people the wrong message and make them feel that other people’s lives are better. Well they may look like it, but most of the time they aren’t. One thing I have noticed is that the couples that are continuously sharing photos of them going out to different places, doing lovey dovey poses and constantly updating their profiles are the ones that seem to have a different partner coming and going. During my entire relationship a classmate on one of my social network sites has had 3different relationships and every single one included happy photos of them grinning away in exotic locations and constantly writing on each others profiles. Whereas I was never very open with who I was with on social network sites and me and my Special Someone have managed over 5years together. Makes you think no?

Sharing or showing off?

Everyone is of course is allowed to post what they like with their Special Someone (within the rules of the site) but who are they really doing it for? Does posting half their relationship and updating the world with their Love make them feel good or even make their relationship stronger? Or is it really just showing the world that they have a beautiful partner and they are having an exciting Love life?(in other words just showing off-was trying to be nice :-D)

I really don’t think relationships get any better by displaying them online, that I can be very sure of, I do however feel that there is a fine line with keeping your friends and family updated and showing the world how good your life is. My opinion on this, is based on how often or how much couples feel they need to share online.

Over sharing?

Have you ever just been scrolling through your new feed or  through your friends profile and noticed how much couples talk to each other by commenting on the profile, it’s happy I Love You stuff and then they have fights and break up and their status is constantly changing from it’s complicated to in relationship to single. When you are used to sharing your relationship online and using it as a source of communication when you are not together, it will become a problem and everyone will know every detail of your relationship. A lot of people do keep their family as well as their friends on their social network sites so nothing will ever be private.

Single

All you single girls and guys out there, well social networking is made for sharing our life with others, not to make you feel lonely and sad. It is not about relationships it’s about making friends and being able to communicate online. If its making you uncomfortable stay away from social networking sites until you can handle it better, as there are many other ways to communicate and it really is unnecessary stress for you to deal with. What you really need to do is enjoy your life and Love yourself, as the right person will come along at the right time. Just don’t drown yourself in negative thoughts it won’t make things any better. If your friends and family have happy Love lives then be happy for them and if you feel that it’s getting too much then tell them how you feel. Tell them you are feeling down and lonely. They will understand.

In a relationship

The couples on the opposite side of The Couples well what can I say except do you really want to compare your relationship with your Love to other people? Every Love story is unique and special, there will always be differences. They are in no way better or worse then you. Only difference you should take into consideration, is that The Couples are sharing and showing more of their relationship then you are, which in someways makes it less intimate and private. Enjoy your relationship for what it is, just because you aren’t posting kissing photos doesn’t mean your relationship isn’t romantic, beautiful and special 🙂

Share Your Thoughts!:D

X x x