I have a slightly different thing to talk about for today and it is not the best but I feel it is important, especially for those who feel they need a bit of help. I will however inform you that I am not a professional and this is only my experiences and what has worked for me.
One thing which is pretty much obvious is that there will be changes from yourself and your Loved one. Just so this post isn’t really really long I will do another post for the second part of this which is Coping with your Loved ones depression.
If you are suffering from depression
I actually had a depression for over a year and I didn’t even realise it until my Special Someone told me. I knew I was sad about some things that had been going on but I didn’t realise how bad it was. He told me that I wasn’t as happy and lively as I normally was and sometimes I’d randomly start tearing up. He was worried about me and he wanted me to go see a doctor. The doctor I saw did a little questionnaire type thing with me and then decided to give me a few weeks and then come back to see her again. When I saw her the second time she sent me off to see a therapist but unfortunately the therapist did not help me and was very judgemental on a lot of what I spoke to her about so my experience was not a good one.
I went back to the doctor and told her what happened and she had another talk with me but like she said she doesn’t have the full knowledge to help me professionally with depression.
When it came to me, I hid my depression, it was never done intentionally but alot of my family and friends never knew or even found out, even today. Somehow I managed to bring out a ‘normal’ me(can’t really say happier me as I could definitely be a happier normal me) in front of everybody else but on my own at the end of the day or when with my Special Someone I let out everything I tried to keep in.
How My Special Someone coped
My Special Someone was the only one that knew about my depression which meant I spoke to him a lot about how I was feeling and what was going on with me. As I have mentioned in previous blog posts he is not well equipped to deal with certain situations so does suffer quite a bit, but he does his best. He has suffered from depression and would roughly know what I was going through, but his idea was to try to forget things and move on (something he has difficulty in doing himself). This was one piece of advice which was actually quite valuable if you actually do it (and use it yourself). During my depression I did become quite clingy towards my Special Someone. I always wanted to talk to him, see him etc. and it was getting a bit much for him. He had to tell me that he would be there for me but he didn’t want me to rely on him all the time for every little thing as it would effect me and would lead to disappointment and would most likely make me feel worse. We tried to strike a happy medium so that I would still have his support and he wouldn’t go crazy with me.
My Special Someone was always very affectionate and always there for a cuddle when I needed him and he always did something that made me smile and laugh. I am thankful for him being there as I don’t think would have got through it without out him (not to say I didn’t do anything myself- see next paragraph)
How I over came
As I mentioned earlier I only had my Special Someone’s support and due to the reasons that brought on my depression I didn’t have a lot of people to turn to so I was pretty lonely. I had some people I spoke to but I never mentioned my depression and sometimes it was hard to pretend everything was ok although it was rather nice other times just to forget my worries.
I didn’t really have many hobbies growing up so I figured I will get some. I started off with watching stuff on Youtube. It did begin with listening to very emotional music but then I got involved with beauty videos and vlogs that I started watching daily(not entirely sure if that’s a hobby but there you go)
I also started keeping a “happy book” it’s kind of like a selective diary type of thing. Whenever something good happen I would write it in the book, I would write what I appreciated, what I was thankful for and what my highlights or favourite parts of the day were and at the end of the month I would go read everything I wrote in that month. I still keep this up even today.
Inspired by the Youtube videos and my Love of nail polish I started up some nail art and took pictures of every manicure.
I went to the library once week and read two -three books every week. I generally read what I would call “women’s fiction” which is on the shelves marked Fiction. All the stories about crazy friends, horrible bosses, complicated love lives and strange families.
I started watching Korean and Thai romantic comedies movies. No I dea how that happened but I actually really enjoy them even today.
One other hobby I picked up is writing this blog. I wasn’t writing this particular blog I actually had a general topic/ journal type of blog on blog spot but I decided to get rid of it and start again with a more specific topic in these blogs.
I also picked up sewing and learnt the blanket stitch. I enjoyed making little plushies and even made a Furry Princess one to give my Special Someone.
I think doing all these things really helped me think about what I like and enjoy and it made me happy. I also made sure to get out of the house at least once or twice a week as at the time I was not working. While at home I did keep busy so I would do the hobbies I spoke of above, done some chores and generally got on with all the stuff that needed to be done.
I do have pets at home and this was before we had our Furry Princess so I did spend time with them. The fact that they don’t understand or talk much made it nicer, as they would just listen to you and Love you as you are. Spending time together and enjoying each others company makes it all worth while.
I always focused on my happiness and what I wanted(a time when it is ok to be a little selfish) and tried to help myself through my problems. A lot of people may not know why or what happened for their depression to come along but lucky for me I had a rough idea, but unlucky for me it was a lot of things. I worked myself through each problem I had one by one. If it was certain people that made me unhappy and there was no way to sort the issues then I would let them go. For my own health and happiness it was important to filter certain people that weren’t helping. Even though I knew roughly why I was so down there was certain problems I couldn’t solve and there wasn’t a lot I could do to make things better so I just tried to accept it and make the best of it (sad I know)
Over half way through my depression is when our Furry Princess came along and all I wanted was to Love her so I focused a lot of my attention on her and it made me feel a bit better. Just watching her running around, watching her be happy with the most simple of things and just generally Loving life. Knowing of her history just made me respect her so much (weird I know, as she is a dog) The fact that she had such a hard life and the amount of people she had been passed around to, which would make it so hard for her to trust again but she still found a reason to be happy. Just thinking about her makes it possible that you can choose to be happy or you can choose to hold on to the past and never get through things. Definite role model!;0)
My advice to you
With depression they do say it’s important to be with your friends and family, do things you enjoy and focus on your needs. I would agree with that, but sometimes alone time is needed, just not so much if you plan on thinking about how sad and crappy your life is everyday. I would say it’s time to then try get out the house, call someone over or even do one of your hobbies :-)I would also suggest the Happy book above or even just thinking about three things that you liked about the day before you go to bed.
Talking to your friends and family will help you get your feelings out and help others understand what you are going through. If you feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to then maybe speak to a doctor about getting some help from a therapist. Make sure to inform them about what you are comfortable with e.g. man or woman.
I would also like to point out one thing and that is sometimes you are your own worse enemy. Something that I feel would help is to find a way to motivate your self to do things you don’t feel like, let go of the past, keep up your social life and be more positive and confident about yourself.
Please note that every ones depression is different. What may have worked for me may not work for you. Please do try my suggestions if you are suffering and I do hope that any of you that are going through a depression make it through it.
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X x x