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Accepting Change in Your Relationship

Hey Hey! 😀

This post is all about changes.

Change will always come up in your relationships. Sometimes it’s hard but you need to find a way to be ok with it.

The things I try to remember is that my partner’s happiness means more to me then my own, and if there are certain things they need or want to do or they have certain life changing decisions to make, I need to support that (even if I don’t want to!)

The first step is to put yourself in their shoes. Figure out why these changes are happening. If its a change due to your partner then its best to speak to them about what the change is and why it is happening. Communication is very important and it’s the only way for you to keep-calm-because-everything-changes- do anything about it. Once you have understood what is going on whether your partner wants to take a job in New York or have a Sex Change you need to think about how you feel about it and what will happen to your relation. Sometimes keep-calm-because-everything-changes-thing your partner may or may not have thought about as they are trying to find their own happiness. You will need to look at what options you have to make the best of it, making sure you make a joint decision in the end, as it can cause a relationship to get very sour when people make sacrifices.

An example of such a change:

A job in New York for someone in London is a big deal and a huge opportunity. Your partner wouldn’t want to pass up on but then there is you. You are happy for you partner and know that they will take the job but you are un sure of what will become of your relationship. You have your life in London, your work, your family and your friends and may not want to give all that up to support your partners work.

You need to decide on three very different choices.

(A) Be supportive and leave your life behind to go to New York with your partner, after all its a big opportunity and you Love you partner and want to be there for them.

(B) Decide that your own life in London is very important to you and that you will need to end the relationship so that your partner can fulfil their dreams and you yours doing what you both Love apart.

(C) Try and do long distance, after all there is all this modern technology to communicate with and you can always visit during the holidays, while still having your life in London and your partner’s in New York.

What would you choose? There isn’t really much control on your part. Its a difficult decision to make but you need to accept what is happening and you need to decide.

To be honest I think this is a horrible situation and I actually thought it up :S

I hope none of you end up with something like this, I pray your relationships be happy for as long as you live :D:D:D as I honestly wouldn’t be able to make a decision like this but then again I can’t even decide on lunch ;0)

Changes are big things in relationships and my advice to any of you going through changes within your relationship is to try and stay strong and do what you think is best for both you and your partner. Even if it means going separate ways because sometimes we both want different things and we may need to do those things with out each other.

Share Your Thoughts! 😀

X x x

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Dealing With Your First Kiss Ever! MWAH!

Hey Hey!:D

BiG MWAH!! That’s from me to you :0)7350853028_efc449c220_o

There is nothing like a first kiss, for some it may be the most embarrassing moment in your entire life or it could be one of the very best!

I really am no expert in this subject but I thought it would be extremely helpful to share my thoughts and experiences with you, and hopefully make you feel better about this topic ,especially if you are in a group of friends like I was who thought it was gross to talk about kissing.

Big Deal Kisses! 😀

One thing to remember is that everyone views kisses differently. Some people view them as fun first experiences where they go with the flow and not worry too much about it or like me, you thought it would be one of the most magical and important firsts you would experience, with a specific person, in a certain place at a certain time, unfortunately for me it didn’t exactly happen that way….

I was a little disappointed that I missed mine and didn’t get the opportunity to fully absorb what happened, especially since I wasn’t even ready :0S but just remember it isn’t the end of the world. Seriously, there are still many more firsts you can have. (I’m sorry if it still doesn’t help so… here’s a HUG!! :D)

What to do?

If you are anything like me and would want to at least try and have a good memory of your first kiss (sadly I didn’t get the opportunity :0( < Drama Queen!) you could always let your partner know that it is a big deal to you especially if your partner doesn’t view it the same way. If you explain how you feel about it, especially if you don’t feel ready, its ok to just let them know that when they want to give it a go, just to ask you if its ok first. (I know that sounds extremely weird but some people like to be asked beforehand) 

Nerves

You are always going to feel bit nervous with everything you do, you’re sweating, you’re heart is beating like crazy and for some reason you’ve lost the ability to speak fluently. It is natural and very normal for that to happen, its a rush of excitement and fear and it’s one of the best feelings in the world. Enjoy that moment. 

I was really nervous, to be honest I didn’t even want to do it because I was so nervous, I went as far as moving my head back and waving my arms about. I wasn’t comfortable and I knew it…I got over my nerves eventually, the trick isto keep yours eyes shut…. Shhhh! ;0)

What to do?

Close your eyes. for some reason seeing things makes you feel scared but when you shut out the other person you are just focusing on what you are feeling and that is more easier to deal with. Going slow is a good idea too, don’t move on to anything fancy or rush it because it could signal something else to the other person. Slow is fine.

Panic!

Ok you got past your fear and nerves and are about to make your move (or have someone make their move on you but you have no idea what you are doing! 

I honestly thought that it would come naturally but it didn’t. At first I just stood there with lips attached and then I was doing fish lip moves :S Oh dear!

What to do?

Hmm well honestly there wasn’t much I could do but sort of learn from the other person as it was their first with me but not their first one ever. If you both haven’t done it then I guess you’ll have to learn together what feels right to you both. One thing to remember is that it isn’t as embarrassing as you think, if you want to kiss someone you going to have to learn and why not with the person you want to do it with? Nothing wrong in laughing about it together!

Was it good or bad?!

The odd thing with kissing is that there isn’t really such a thing as a bad or good kisser, it may seem like you were bad on your end but the other person may have enjoyed it. It can even go the other way too, you could think it was good but the other person may not have liked it and honestly it’s ok. It could mean you haven’t made a connection with that person and there isn’t really any chemistry.

I knew I probably was bad but I didn’t it bother me I knew it was some thing I would need to learn. The other person didn’t say anything and I didn’t ask any questions about it in case I didn’t like the answer. But its all good :0)

What to do?

Don’t over think it and do it your way, what feels right for you. Don’t try to copy from movies or T.V because you might think you can see what they are doing but when you put into practice it could go horribly wrong. Get your own kissing style, whatever feels good to you 😀

Whether or not you remember hearing about this but this is an example that things may not always go to plan and that it may be embarrassing but it’s still ok 😀

One last little thought. Yes in some ways it is a big deal but it is also meant to be fun. Just relax and do what feels right to you, I’m sure the other person will be understanding 😀

Share your thoughts! 😀

BiG MWAH!

X x x

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Saying I Love YOU!

Hey Hey! 😀

LOVE!!:D:D

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Now we getting to the nice sweet stuff after all the bad things I have been posting hehe

I’m sure we have all come to a point in our relationship where we wonder about saying those three special words, whether we are actually feeling Love for this special person, whether that person feels the same about you or even whether its the right moment to be saying them.

The first time I said I Love You was after 6months of being in a relationship, it was at a random but romantic time, just was really awkward after and I wanted to run away. I was even a bit tearful, I wasn’t crying, tears just poured out on its own! :0S I guess I felt bit vulnerable having never said it before but it was fine once we got passed it :0)

Two things to think about 😀

One thing you should do is think about what you are actually feeling, many people confuse the feeling of Love with lust, devotion and even obsession. What tends to help is to look up definitions or ask other people about their experiences to find similarities in what you are feeling for this special person. You don’t want to be in an embarrassing situation later after understanding your feeling wrong. It’s worth it to take the time to make sure you are right. After all there is no time limit to say it within.

The other thing is to really sit and think, of why you think you Love this person. Genuine reasons why you Love them. Many people force there minds to Love someone just for convenience or lifestyle, so its best to have proper reasons for why you like this person before you make anything concrete.

You really need to make sure  of what you are feeling because many people after they have told some one they Love them, have then turn around and said they don’t Love them anymore. There is nothing worse then hearing someone you’ve Loved for so long say that after years of being together or even being married that their feelings for you  have now changed.

When you have decided that you are well and truly in Love (Yay! for you :D) and are ready to share that with the world, try not to over think it. It’s not a proposal you are giving unless you aren’t already in a relationship. If you are in a relationship then it really doesn’t matter where you are in your relationship, where you are or even when you say it, be impulsive when you feel it just go for it. How you say it will be remembered more. Keep it simple and sweet, if you are too nervous and don’t know what to say.

However if you aren’t in a relationship and have felt the impulsive Love at first sight or gradual Love from friendship then you may want to make a slightly bigger deal of it, I mean you are basically asking them to be your girlfriend or boyfriend in a committed relationship and that’s a big deal! ;0). The most important thing I’m going to say is try not to freak that person out. Be sweet, be charming but don’t be too forward or assume it’s ok to say or do anything more unless you get clear signs from them.

One last reminder these three words may be more powerful then you realise, they could break peoples hearts and ruin peoples lives if not used properly. I’m sure you all will be careful, after all you should never say it unless you really mean it! ;0)

X x x

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Lovers Tiff!: Behaving Like Children!

Hey Hey! 😀

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I already wrote about one part of Lovers Tiff and that was preventing bad stuff in relationships. To see post please click link: https://thesweetestpartsoflove.wordpress.com/2014/06/18/lovers-tiff-think-positive

 Now for part two, when you are actually having problems 

Here it is just for you ;0)

These are things that I may not have dealt with as yet but I do think they are things to keep in mind.

This is for the worse end of problems, when you are acting on things in the wrong way, a very wrong way.

One thing you must remember is that just because you are having issues where you really hate each other, it doesn’t mean you should stop being civilised or even forget that at some point you do/did like this person.

You Still Love Them

Unless things have gotten so bad in your relationship, it is really important that you don’t forget who it is you are talking to. Sometimes in the heat of an intense conversation people start to get rude. This person is someone you Love and who you have a relationship with so you really need to keep it together. Try and think about how you would want them to talk and behave towards you and behave accordingly.You don’t want to lose this person after all.

Don’t Yell!!

This one should be fairly obvious but I can understand when you get frustrated, annoyed and irritated that the only way you feel you can get yourself heard or show you are right is by being the loudest. But who is that really helping? If you have children I’m sure you don’t want them involved with you and your partners issues and I’m sure you don’t want your neighbours to hear things either, especially if they like a good old gossip :0). What I have been told and what has always stuck in my mind is that if you keep your voice calm and steady, even if the other person is boiling up and still raging, just keep your tone the same and eventually they will start speaking at the same level as you. Once you are at the same level then you can try to talk about things and hopefully solve the problem.

Past Problems

One thing most people like to do is that when there are certain issues that have not been solved or something that was unfair they like to bring it up in the new problems and arguments. Don’t do it!! It is spiteful and evil and shows that you can never let go of the past and move on. If it is something that is bugging you that much then it should be discussed in a separate conversation. One topic for one argument. Leave the past in the past during disagreements and arguments otherwise it’ll only inflame things more.

Don’t Damage their stuff

Never involve any belongings or special items of theirs or you both as it will only cause more problems. It might make you feel better at the time but you will regret it after. Possessions mean a lot to people and destroying them for the sake of being right or an argument will make them never forget what you did. Again remember who this person is and what they mean to you and how would you feel if they did the same to you.

Don’t hit them

Hopefully it won’t come to this and if it does then it is important you get the required help as domestic violence is a very serious thing. I have a link here for any one who wishes to use it http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

Calling them names!

This one is very petty and calling names usually is the truth twisted or something your partner already knows about themselves. Best to not go there! Calling names is what children do to insult each other and it can become very hurtful, but the one person it’ll hurt more is you. Just don’t do it. Control that tongue!! .

Custody

Many relationships even when you don’t live together or are even married involve children and pets. “People” that you both Love and share relationships with. The first thing you shouldn’t do is involve them in your fights, making them choose between you or your partner. It isn’t fair on them and I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be put in that position with your own parents, so try and think about how you would feel. If you don’t live together don’t take your dog or baby away from your partner, it’s spiteful and evil. Try and solve things under the same roof and keep everything as normal as possible for them.

Being right is not important, try and solve things as much as possible. Communication is the key and also that arguments and disagreements in couples makes your relationship stronger. Hang in there!!

Share your thoughts!

X x x

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Lovers Tiff!: Be Positive!

Hey Hey! 😀

Time for the Bad Stuff!!! :0(

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Ok, you’ve been in a relationship for a while and things are now getting a bit tense, bad habits are no longer cute and you are noticing things you really don’t like :0(

What to do?

Think Positive!! :0P

Luckily after four years I haven’t had a full on argument with my special person but I’ve had a few disagreements and some difficult situations so I thought I’d share with you some things I have learnt and things I’m still trying not to do.

Here are the things I would say would prevent things getting tense and awkward

Be Understanding

This one may seem the easiest but it is most difficult. As much as you think you can handle things whether it’s their job, their hobbies or their family and friends, eventually, it will become hard and you will still need to be as understanding and supportive as you were at the beginning. You may not really get why they do or say certain things but what I have noticed is that many people do have hidden reasons which is why it is very important to know your partner very well. There are four important things that will help to be understanding and these are:

  • Knowing how your partner will behave in certain situations
  • What flaws they may have such as hot temper or sensitivity
  • How they like to deal with things when situations arise
  • Knowing as much as you can from their past such as past relations and their childhood

Once you know all of these things then you need to put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would want someone to be if you were upset, angry or confused.

My experience with my partner being sad

One mistake I have made in the past was treating my boyfriend how I would my girl friends and my method of being understanding when he was unhappy about something was to comfort him by trying to hug him, giving him a drink and wanting to talk where as he wasn’t used to all those things and didn’t even want me to hold his hand.

My solution with my partner being sad

Things are different now but at the time it put us both in a helpless and awkward position. When he rejected my hug I asked if he wanted to talk, if he didn’t then I would just keep silent until he calmed down and to let me know when he did want to talk. When ready to talk I tried to make sure he had more control of the conversation. I asked him questions which required more then a yes or no which would allow him to explain things to me rather then me asking so many short ones.

My experience with my partner’s work

My boyfriend worked mostly at home and had meetings elsewhere and I used to hate it. Even when we were together his work always got in the way. I would get bored and want his attention especially as we could only manage once a week together. For this one we both had to try be understanding. Him to understand that phone calls weren’t the same as one on one time together and that we only had one day to spend together a week and me to understand that his work load does build up and that he needs to work on his computer as much as he can otherwise he has to deal with it til late at night.

My solution with my partner’s work

I used to come over in the mornings so we had more time together. He would deal with some work in the morning then we would have a couple of hours together then have some food. When we got back he would check up on work stuff again. While he was doing work I would keep myself occupied with something else, play on phone, help clean up and keep the furry princess company.

My experience with my partner being angry

My boyfriend does get worked up about small and big stuff whether its the stuff I mentioned above or anything else and sometimes it gets scary when you have no idea what to do. Once he gets angry he finds it difficult to calm himself and see reason and he normally wants the day to be over or me to stay away even if he isn’t angry at me.

My solution with my partner being angry

I normally try to keep calm and try to get him to sit down and talk about what is bothering him. I don’t want him getting tense or to shout but to sit next to me and calmly let his feelings out so at least the anger is is coming out in a more positive way. Another thing we do is to go else where, if we are at home we go out for a walk or drive, most of our best dealt with conversations have been in the car.

Be Supportive

This one may not make a lot of sense but in my view I think it links in with what I’ve said above. One thing I have learnt is that you may not always like your partners decisions and they normally cause a bit of a problem, but the thing is you don’t have to like it! I could hate every decision my boyfriend makes but it may not make much of a difference to him as he will want to do what he wants to do and he should be able to. If your partner is happy with what they want to do and there is no real reason for you to not “allow” their decisions, then try to be understanding of why they want what they want and if you don’t understand then ask them about it. Be that supportive girlfriend or boyfriend and be there for them as I’m sure they will try to be for you. But if you think that they really don’t know what they are doing and it’s really wrong then explain that to them clearly your reasons why or suggest other things, but not in a way that feels like they are getting told off.

Hopefully this was helpful to you in some way 😀

Bad stuff is never good but just hang in there!

Share your thoughts! 😀

X x x

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Learn to Budget on Love!

Hey Hey! 😀

 I’ve made you guys another list, just for you! :0)

Going on dates does cost a bit but it doesn’t mean you can’t go any where or do anything nice or even gift anything with out spending tons of money.

It’s all about being together spending quality time, the place and how much you spend should mean  nothing.

Most of these may be for couples who’ve been together a while.

Going out!14219917984_75e25eb7c2_o

  • Go for walks in the park and maybe sit and have a picnic.
  • Have a meal out with a two for one voucher
  • Go to a café’ or pub for a drink or two instead of a full on meal out
  • Go to a museum, art gallery or historic building
  • Window shopping! (Shopping doesn’t always have to mean buying)
  • This one may be a little strange but sometimes its fun to learn other cultures by visiting a religious building. If you are a multicultural couple you can introduce your religion to your partner. Many religious places welcome everyone.

Stay in!2406572089_7f7cc1f970_o

  • Dig out your DVD collection or if you still have them your old videos and have a movie marathon or If you are both into a certain series you can watch your favourite episodes together
  • Have a good old chat!
  • Cuddle! ;0)
  • If you have any pets its fun to involve your time with them together. Play with them, train them and cuddle them, be a little old family ;0)
  • If you still own any board games sometimes its a good thing to get out your competitive side and find out if your partner is a sore loser or a bad winner!
  • Cook or bake. There is nothing like creating something where the end product is both your team work and effort especially if you get to eat it after 😀

Gifts! 😀

  • If it is only a small occasion like a weekiversary or monthiversary you could always make a card for your partner, make it personal with photos and nicknames
  • Love vouchers in a pretty box with little coupons that say things like a candle light dinner, your choice of movie night or even a massage!! ;0) (don’t forget the expiration dates)
  • make a mood board of all the photos of you together within that year, places you’ve been, gifts you’ve been given and anything else connected to your relationship.
  • Cook their favourite meal in a full three course dinner and be their waiter for the day, maybe even look the part yourself and have a restaurant theme dining room too;0)
  • If you have any sort of talent, whether you can sing dance or do magic tricks, perform them like a show to your partner, don’t forget to dress up I’m sure they will love it, especially if you include them in it in someway.
  • Spa day! Make a salon in your own home, include facials, massages and maybe even a pedicure!
  • Give flowers, even men would like them! 😀 Their exact words would be “Noones ever bought me flowers before!”
  • If all else fails you could just wrap yourself in a giant bow and present yourself as a gift! ;0) (After all nothing is more special then you!)

If you have any more ideas then share your thoughts! 😀

X x x

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10 Ways to Maintain Your Love!

Hey Hey!!! 😀

First up for my blog’s first post I am just going to just list a bunch of nicenice stuff that I think we should all do for our Special Someone 😀

Just so you know they aren’t in any particular order, I just thought it would be nice to number them so it looks all organised and stuffs :D:D:DNumber One

Always say I Love You when ever you can and mean it, If you aren’t at that stage quite yet then always let them know you appreciate them everyday.

Number Two.

Communication is KEY! Always talk about general stuff as well as personal stuff it will really bring you both together to have similar opinions or disagreements.

Number Three.

Be as understanding as you can even if you really don’t understand

Number Four.

Do nice things for them just because it’s nice. Random gifts, unexpected visits etc.

Number Five.

Ask to come to random/ important to them things even though you don’t think you should e.g. Doctors appointment, work do, mums birthday

Number Six.

Don’t over react to their anger, sometimes there is a hidden feeling or reason behind it, and you trying to match the temper can only inflame it.

Number Seven.

Compliment them whenever you can, if they look good, tell them, if you are proud of them, tell them, you get the idea ;0)

Number Eight

BiG BiG HuGGYs!!!! 😀 Always always have lots of Hugs and Cuddles they actually do more good then you think

Number Nine

Hold hands. Where ever you go, when you are out it’s a sweet thing to link arms and hold hands just shows a bit of subtle affection.

Number 10

Don’t forget the little things that make all the difference!

Share Your Thoughts! 😀
X x x