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Friend Zoned

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Hmm I really think this one is a strange one but a random conversation brought this up and I actually don’t view it as something I am¬†doing.¬†If you think back to a couple of months ago I was¬†dating using an online dating website and obviously not all of those dates became something and not all of those dates¬†disappeared altogether.

¬†When I signed¬†up to the dating site¬†I¬†obviously was looking to date someone in spite of not going in that direction and sticking with them I found myself¬†finding a friendship to be a lot better to have with some of them¬†instead. I have made some friends that I still have today and I¬†don’t view¬†keeping these guys¬†as a bad thing, as they are quite happy to be friends with me and we are able to bond over the dating situation they have experienced and what I have been¬†experiencing too. We are able to help each other and talk about things openly and I think that its a good thing to come out of a spark-less date you’ve had with someone. At one point I’m sure we did have an attraction of some sort towards each other which resulted in us wanting to meet on a date¬†but at the end of it we mutually accepted to part ways altogether or part ways and enter a friendship especially if we have made a good connection it seems a waste to end things just because we aren’t dating each other. I am sure people have their own views on this “Friend zoning ” thing but this is my one. If I can make a friend then I will do so but if its awkward or uncomfortable and it makes sense to lose all contact then I will do so.

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Long Distance :0(

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I may or may not have mentioned that me and the Long haired one are long distant at the moment due to certain circumstances. I for one have never experience this kind of relationship before and to be honest I am finding it really hard to deal with. I have a previous post about how I was feeling. Please click link to read post:https://thesweetestpartsoflove.wordpress.com/2017/10/24/feeling-vulnerable

Long distance relationships are one of those things that when you have feel the struggle and sadness of being apart for so long you start to wonder whether this relationship is even worth all this. There are many people around that live much closer who you could actually spend time with and see often and not have to worry about if and when you will see each other soon and many people wont understand this…. I was one of them. Looking back to when¬†I was younger back in the days when I was trying to make friends online I met people who lived on the other side of the UK or even the other side of the world and even though I was in a place to get caught up in conversation I did realise that when It came to it having someone who lived closer meant more to me. I cant remember if I ever mentioned this but before I had my first boyfriend I was talking to a guy that lived in America and he seemed to really like me and I think I was more in a place of infatuation so when my friend decided to change our relationship I decided that I was going to date him instead of the American guy because I wanted a boyfriend id actually be able to see and hold more then once a year and to be fair I’m sure that what we all want deep down. When it came to online dating with a dating website I was trying to find people that lived closer¬†as living over an hour train ride was just too much for me even though the people I talked to seemed really nice I just wasn’t sure bout the distance.

Fast forward to where I am now I wont say long distance is a relationship you have because that’s what¬† you want or look for but if it comes to it and you meet someone you think is absolute magic then why not at least attempt to make something special out of it. As we get older we lose people that were once special and close to us a little bit or all together and meeting new people can be difficult and once we make that special connection distance should be no obstacle especially if you can handle it.

 The Long Haired One I see something special in and I want to see if we can make this work until its possible to have a relationship where we live closer to each other again. At this time we are trying to aim for a more once a month meet and at least a phone call or video call a day with random messages throughout to keep us going obviously its not the same but its as close as we are gonna get right now and sad as it is we look towards a brighter future for us both.

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Feeling Vulnerable

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Hmmm… this is kind of strange. I didn’t think I would end up feeling this way again but here I am. As mentioned before my relationship with my Special Someone has ended and I have managed to move on with the Long Haired One but I didn’t think I would end up having these awkward feelings again. Being with the Special Someone I remember at the beginning I did suffer from a bit of clinginess and vulnerability and it caused some issues in the relationship and we ended up having a lot of serious discussions and after that I thought I had resolved everything and wouldn’t be like this again… turns out I was wrong.

The Long Haired One and I have been slowly getting through our relationship, taking our time to get to know each other properly but there are certain things that seemed to make me feel uneasy. One thing I can say about the Long Haired One is that I feel I can trust him and there is nothing in him that seems like he will wrong¬†me but I do feel quite vulnerable and I do feel the need to talk and be around him often even when it is not possible.¬†I don’t like being apart from him and I constantly feel the need to be with him and it makes¬†no sense. I try to keep myself occupied with other things in my life but at the end of the day the missing him part just becomes more vivid and it just makes me feel quite sad and lonely. I have wondered why if I am able to trust him do I feel these strange feelings and if they will go away as in the back of my mind I know he wont leave me or cheat me but the front feels slightly vulnerable et that something bad could happen. I don’t know if any of this makes sense but this is kind of what is going through my mind at the moment.

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Meet the Parents/Family

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Well (I always seem to start this way)¬†I think this is something I haven’t really mentioned or if I have maybe I have forgotten but its something that has happened recently so maybe talk now ūüėÄ

Also don’t think I’m putting a pride of lions picture because families are scary and its symbolic I just couldn’t find a picture I wanted to use although it this picture fits in with this post for then its all good ūüėÄ

Meeting the family is a big thing in any relationship but sometimes it takes a more casual role depending on how you look at it, the family you are seeing or sometimes how old you are or the type of relationship you are in.

I remember meeting my first boyfriend’s¬†mum,¬†It was just her as I he didn’t have many family members. I¬†never really got to talk to her much but she did know me from my calling the house. I saw her maybe two or three times in passing. The very first time I met her I guess I didn’t really think much of it, as I normally see my friends parents when I visit their house and I kind of viewed it the same way, as we were already friends but I never met his mum the first time I went to his house, I met her when we had our “first date” at¬† his house. When we did get together I don’t think his mum knew who I was. She seemed quite nice but¬† I was told she wasn’t but I cant really judge from the times I met her.¬†

My second boyfriend’s mum (I did not meet his sister or his dad)¬†I met twice and then once or twice when we weren’t in the relationship. First time meeting her was very quick and kind of awkward as her partner was there and he didn’t really like people being around her (he wasn’t a well person so had some issues with certain things) We were out posting leaflets in the area and stopped at his mums place so had quick introductions. Officially meeting her when she invited me for tea it was quite nice and I had no problems and I think she liked me. Again boyfriend wasn’t too sure about how our meeting would go based on previous ex’s (I did well :0P).

My current boyfriend¬†(The Long Haired One :D)¬†I had a slightly unplanned meet the parents (yep this time round I met both mum and dad and the furry siblings too)¬†when I was meeting my boyfriend at his temporary living arrangement at his parents place and so meeting his parents was unavoidable at 2months in to our relationship. I stayed with them for the weekend and I was very welcomed and I think they liked having me around. Again I wasn’t too worried about anything there was no stress I just somehow got on with them.

I’m sure meeting the parents or their family could be a little¬†daunting but I guess its all in your head and how¬†you take it, In my situation meeting their family wasn’t too bad I somehow got through it all ok. The slightly scarier time for me would be the meet MY family bit as even at the ripe old age of 29 I never ever¬†brought a boyfriend home. I always wanted to make sure I knew the person properly or long enough, it was the perfect time as in the relationship and the stuff with family was all good. I wanted to be more prepared in how to go about it and many many other things and so¬†things always kept coming up and it just kept getting pushed back and back. This time I’m going to do it.¬†When and how I have no idea but if you would like to share your comments below¬†it would¬†be very useful.¬†¬†

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Special Someone and Online Dating Experience

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This is a very new experience for me and I honestly don’t know how I am going to deal with this but I am determined to at least try. I have mentioned that My Special Someone and I are no longer together¬†in a previous post and I¬†am now dating the Long Haired One. I also¬†may not have mentioned that the Special Someone and I are now Friends only and so I continue to meet with him and spend time with the Furry Princess as well once a week to catch up and we have stopped the phone calls.

When I was completely single things were fine and Special Someone’s behaviour had not changed towards me but¬† when I started my online journey I didn’t want to hide things. Regardless of our previous relationship we are friends and I want to keep an open and honest friendship if possible, so I mentioned my profile on a dating site and asked if he wanted to be kept in the loop or be kept out of everything. He chose to not know so I never mentioned who I had gone out with and what happened, I just used to say I went out wherever I did and he never questioned who I went with. I don’t want complications, he is aware of my dating and the rest he does not need to know regardless of our past and our present friendship, the rest isn’t his business anymore, as harsh as it sounds but its a reality I try to accept.

Many people I have spoken to friends, colleagues and even the new friends I made on the dating site have had mixed reviews on the fact that I am friends and meet on a regular basis with an ex. Majority have expressed their concerns but try to be supportive and a few have expressed their disagreement and feel I should cut my ex loose. In spite of everyone’s opinions I have stuck to what I feel and that is with an open and honest friendship. I can make being friends with my ex work and we will continue to be friends as long as its working for us both. The day it doesn’t… well I guess we will have to talk about it and find a way around things and if we cant sort anything we may have to go our¬†separate ways. My Special Someone and I have been a big part of each others lives, 6years worth of relationship plus almost a¬†year of friendship and the fact that we are parents to a very special Furry baby has made us almost¬†a family and I cant imagine life with out them. I know its not ideal and it will bring complications but as far as I know the Long Haired One is ok with my friendship and trusts me enough to be comfortable and as he said if its not romantic he has no problem with it and I agree especially as he can trust in me I know I can trust in him too. Trust after all is the foundation to any relationship, without it everything crumbles…

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Putting a photo in your wallet

Embrace Change Purse- I thought this was very fitting :0)

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I’m sure at some point in your life you would have put a picture of someone you love in your wallet or even someone you just really like, but have you ever had to really think bout it or is photos in wallets not something you do. During my relationship with¬†my Special Someone, I had never owned a wallet with a photo section until we was a couple of years in, but¬†as soon as I did get one which had the little photo section,¬†I immediately went to look for a picture of my Special Someone to put in it. I printed one I liked and kept it in there until the Furry Princess came along and she shared the photo space with him.

(If you have read previous blog posts you will know that my Special Someone and I no longer share the relationship of being a couple however I am dating someone new. The Long Haired One Please click the link to see post of our first meeting https://thesweetestpartsoflove.wordpress.com/2017/09/05/the-long-haired-one/)

The relationship with my Special Someone had ended and I felt ready enough to remove the photo from the wallet¬†and just kept the one of the Furry Princess. The Furry Princess’ picture was fairly small as I wanted¬†both to be seen so I thought maybe I would put a bigger one of her¬†in but when I had met the Long¬†Haired One and decided to keep him, I felt maybe I could put his picture in¬†instead. I¬†knew which one I wanted to put in (its a very cute one that I took on our 5th date:D)¬†but for some reason I felt guilty about it. I felt happy in one way that I had given the Wallet Photo¬†Section Honour to my¬†newly¬†found boyfriend but I just felt awkward bout¬†the Special Someone (I will be adding a blog post about my Special Someone¬†and the dating experience)

The happy side of having the Long Haired One in my wallet was a nice feeling like I could carry him around wherever I go and that he has grown important enough for me to want to upgrade our relationship in all ways possible even in something as small as adding a photo in my wallet. The other happy side is that in spite of the slight guilt (because of the Special Someone) the fact that I can embrace the change of having a new relationship and seeing the change physically in something as small as replacing a photograph that I had kept in my wallet for years and putting a new one with a different person on it, made me feel good that after everything I have been through I am capable of moving on every step of the way. 

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Follow up on the Date For The Family Post

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I don’t know if you have been reading my blog posts for awhile or reading first time but either way I just wanted to talk about something from a previous post that I may need to elaborate on a bit so for that please click the link below:

https://thesweetestpartsoflove.wordpress.com/2017/04/25/a-date-for-the-family

Well as I have mentioned before I had accepted dates from people, spoken to people and accepted friendships from a few that I have met on a dating website. I may not have mentioned but aside from a Bengali guy from about ten years ago I randomly met once, I have not gone out with Asian guys. I’m not entirely sure of how that happens but I seemed to get more interest from¬†guys who aren’t Indian, somehow I’m just not their cup of tea(or chai shall we say :0p). Anyway I actually got a message from someone who was Indian and like the nice person I am (yeah I said that bout me :D) I replied and spoke to him. I don’t think I was attracted to him or anything but as I was speaking to him as a friend he found out that I hadn’t gone out with an Indian guy, so wanted to meet for that very¬†reason of being the first one to go out with me. ¬†

Thinking back to conversations I have had with my parents about things¬†I know they want me to be settled down¬†pretty soon¬†as in case you didn’t know I am now¬†29years old and for some its that age of thinking about marriage. My parents have asked a few times if there was someone in my life or if I wanted them to find someone for me. When I was in a relationship it just never seemed like the right time to discuss meeting the parents so I told them there wasn’t anyone and that I didn’t want to get married. They then decided that I was in a relationship but wasn’t telling them so asked me to invite them round but at this time I was single. My mum kept saying she would find someone “nice” for me and I could¬†get married to them, I knew she was being jokey but deep down I know that they want all their children to be settled and happy.

There was a time when I hadn’t met my Special Someone and it was after my First boyfriend when I had met up with someone and I thought I would tell my mum straight away (if you didn’t know my first relationship was only 49days long and I never got the chance to think about talking about him to the family)¬†and she was in the hospital at the time and the guy I met with was Italian. She told me to bring a nice Indian boy home. I wasn’t sure if this was what my mum really wanted or was she just under a lot of medication still. My family aren’t racist or prejudice against anyone but I guess when it comes to their own children maybe deep down they want to hold on to what little tradition and culture we have and that may come in to marrying someone with the same background as you.

The reason I accepted to meet the Indian boy off the dating site was for that reason alone. My family. I had two “white” boyfriends and I had dated people outside of my culture but meeting that boy was a mistake as I didn’t do it for me. When it comes to dating, relationships and even love I think its important to realise that the only one to make¬†the decisions is¬†you and you alone. Your family and friends will have their opinions but if your aren’t happy and you don’t have a connection with someone it cant be forced and you cant keep everyone happy. If the people that care about you truly care for you they will learn to realise that your happiness is important and will be happy for you. That’s something I learnt and I feel happy where I am with the Long Haired One because we connect and enjoy each others company and that can never be faked.

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