I guess I am back to another dates diary blog post and this time its not so good news….
After a little over 4months of being with the Long Haired one I guess things kind of got a bit much for the both of us. Finding out we had to be long distance for a start, I knew I wouldn’t be able to cope with and sadly the Long haired one had his own demons to deal with, as well as trying to keep a relationship with me going and it was doing neither of us any good. I really liked him and wanted to keep our relationship and attempt a future together but I guess we weren’t destined, to make it any further then we have in our relationship. There were trust issues and insecurities which made matters worse and slowly slowly it wore us down, to a point where we had to go separate ways for betterment of us both. Whether or not we become friends I am not sure, whether or not I will hear from him again I do not know but I feel the break up was meant to be. The grieving period seemed to last a few days and I managed to pick myself up pretty quickly and after a week I was feeling more myself.
Being with the Long Haired One certain situations did come up and the trust just was not there for him and the distance making the temptation of having someone more attentive and more in person was playing on my mind. I have never been one to cheat and I have never been one to be disloyal but realising I was getting more attention from colleagues and friends more then my significant other it made me question whether this relationship was for me as in previous relationships I never looked at anyone else. Having crushes while in a relationship has never been normal for me and was the first sign that this relationship was slipping slightly and I was feeling insecure.
I have always made it clear in my mind that being settled with a life partner and a new place to live where I could have my own family. I have always wanted a serious relationship and time doesn’t seem to wait for anyone, so if I want something I need to attempt it now and waiting for something that may or may not happen just doesn’t seem ideal. I’ve been there before with the Special Someone and even though I don’t regret the relationship I do regret pushing something that maybe wasn’t meant to be, although its hard to know if it is and its hard to not want to put in effort.
The Long Haired One and I have had a very sweet and intense relationship at times and I am glad I met him and I am thankful for the connection we shared. Its a shame it did not last but maybe its for the best. He made it easy for me to move on from the Special Someone and made me realise that there are people who will be understanding to my situation and accept me the way I am as well as join in my madness and he will be remembered and not forgotten and maybe he will return after disappearing from my life….
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Hmm I really think this one is a strange one but a random conversation brought this up and I actually don’t view it as something I am doing. If you think back to a couple of months ago I was dating using an online dating website and obviously not all of those dates became something and not all of those dates disappeared altogether.
When I signed up to the dating site I obviously was looking to date someone in spite of not going in that direction and sticking with them I found myself finding a friendship to be a lot better to have with some of them instead. I have made some friends that I still have today and I don’t view keeping these guys as a bad thing, as they are quite happy to be friends with me and we are able to bond over the dating situation they have experienced and what I have been experiencing too. We are able to help each other and talk about things openly and I think that its a good thing to come out of a spark-less date you’ve had with someone. At one point I’m sure we did have an attraction of some sort towards each other which resulted in us wanting to meet on a date but at the end of it we mutually accepted to part ways altogether or part ways and enter a friendship especially if we have made a good connection it seems a waste to end things just because we aren’t dating each other. I am sure people have their own views on this “Friend zoning ” thing but this is my one. If I can make a friend then I will do so but if its awkward or uncomfortable and it makes sense to lose all contact then I will do so.
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I may or may not have mentioned that me and the Long haired one are long distant at the moment due to certain circumstances. I for one have never experience this kind of relationship before and to be honest I am finding it really hard to deal with. I have a previous post about how I was feeling. Please click link to read post:https://thesweetestpartsoflove.wordpress.com/2017/10/24/feeling-vulnerable
Long distance relationships are one of those things that when you have feel the struggle and sadness of being apart for so long you start to wonder whether this relationship is even worth all this. There are many people around that live much closer who you could actually spend time with and see often and not have to worry about if and when you will see each other soon and many people wont understand this…. I was one of them. Looking back to when I was younger back in the days when I was trying to make friends online I met people who lived on the other side of the UK or even the other side of the world and even though I was in a place to get caught up in conversation I did realise that when It came to it having someone who lived closer meant more to me. I cant remember if I ever mentioned this but before I had my first boyfriend I was talking to a guy that lived in America and he seemed to really like me and I think I was more in a place of infatuation so when my friend decided to change our relationship I decided that I was going to date him instead of the American guy because I wanted a boyfriend id actually be able to see and hold more then once a year and to be fair I’m sure that what we all want deep down. When it came to online dating with a dating website I was trying to find people that lived closer as living over an hour train ride was just too much for me even though the people I talked to seemed really nice I just wasn’t sure bout the distance.
Fast forward to where I am now I wont say long distance is a relationship you have because that’s what you want or look for but if it comes to it and you meet someone you think is absolute magic then why not at least attempt to make something special out of it. As we get older we lose people that were once special and close to us a little bit or all together and meeting new people can be difficult and once we make that special connection distance should be no obstacle especially if you can handle it.
The Long Haired One I see something special in and I want to see if we can make this work until its possible to have a relationship where we live closer to each other again. At this time we are trying to aim for a more once a month meet and at least a phone call or video call a day with random messages throughout to keep us going obviously its not the same but its as close as we are gonna get right now and sad as it is we look towards a brighter future for us both.
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This is a very new experience for me and I honestly don’t know how I am going to deal with this but I am determined to at least try. I have mentioned that My Special Someone and I are no longer together in a previous post and I am now dating the Long Haired One. I also may not have mentioned that the Special Someone and I are now Friends only and so I continue to meet with him and spend time with the Furry Princess as well once a week to catch up and we have stopped the phone calls.
When I was completely single things were fine and Special Someone’s behaviour had not changed towards me but when I started my online journey I didn’t want to hide things. Regardless of our previous relationship we are friends and I want to keep an open and honest friendship if possible, so I mentioned my profile on a dating site and asked if he wanted to be kept in the loop or be kept out of everything. He chose to not know so I never mentioned who I had gone out with and what happened, I just used to say I went out wherever I did and he never questioned who I went with. I don’t want complications, he is aware of my dating and the rest he does not need to know regardless of our past and our present friendship, the rest isn’t his business anymore, as harsh as it sounds but its a reality I try to accept.
Many people I have spoken to friends, colleagues and even the new friends I made on the dating site have had mixed reviews on the fact that I am friends and meet on a regular basis with an ex. Majority have expressed their concerns but try to be supportive and a few have expressed their disagreement and feel I should cut my ex loose. In spite of everyone’s opinions I have stuck to what I feel and that is with an open and honest friendship. I can make being friends with my ex work and we will continue to be friends as long as its working for us both. The day it doesn’t… well I guess we will have to talk about it and find a way around things and if we cant sort anything we may have to go our separate ways. My Special Someone and I have been a big part of each others lives, 6years worth of relationship plus almost a year of friendship and the fact that we are parents to a very special Furry baby has made us almost a family and I cant imagine life with out them. I know its not ideal and it will bring complications but as far as I know the Long Haired One is ok with my friendship and trusts me enough to be comfortable and as he said if its not romantic he has no problem with it and I agree especially as he can trust in me I know I can trust in him too. Trust after all is the foundation to any relationship, without it everything crumbles…
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I don’t know if you have been reading my blog posts for awhile or reading first time but either way I just wanted to talk about something from a previous post that I may need to elaborate on a bit so for that please click the link below:
Well as I have mentioned before I had accepted dates from people, spoken to people and accepted friendships from a few that I have met on a dating website. I may not have mentioned but aside from a Bengali guy from about ten years ago I randomly met once, I have not gone out with Asian guys. I’m not entirely sure of how that happens but I seemed to get more interest from guys who aren’t Indian, somehow I’m just not their cup of tea(or chai shall we say :0p). Anyway I actually got a message from someone who was Indian and like the nice person I am (yeah I said that bout me :D) I replied and spoke to him. I don’t think I was attracted to him or anything but as I was speaking to him as a friend he found out that I hadn’t gone out with an Indian guy, so wanted to meet for that very reason of being the first one to go out with me.
Thinking back to conversations I have had with my parents about things I know they want me to be settled down pretty soon as in case you didn’t know I am now 29years old and for some its that age of thinking about marriage. My parents have asked a few times if there was someone in my life or if I wanted them to find someone for me. When I was in a relationship it just never seemed like the right time to discuss meeting the parents so I told them there wasn’t anyone and that I didn’t want to get married. They then decided that I was in a relationship but wasn’t telling them so asked me to invite them round but at this time I was single. My mum kept saying she would find someone “nice” for me and I could get married to them, I knew she was being jokey but deep down I know that they want all their children to be settled and happy.
There was a time when I hadn’t met my Special Someone and it was after my First boyfriend when I had met up with someone and I thought I would tell my mum straight away (if you didn’t know my first relationship was only 49days long and I never got the chance to think about talking about him to the family) and she was in the hospital at the time and the guy I met with was Italian. She told me to bring a nice Indian boy home. I wasn’t sure if this was what my mum really wanted or was she just under a lot of medication still. My family aren’t racist or prejudice against anyone but I guess when it comes to their own children maybe deep down they want to hold on to what little tradition and culture we have and that may come in to marrying someone with the same background as you.
The reason I accepted to meet the Indian boy off the dating site was for that reason alone. My family. I had two “white” boyfriends and I had dated people outside of my culture but meeting that boy was a mistake as I didn’t do it for me. When it comes to dating, relationships and even love I think its important to realise that the only one to make the decisions is you and you alone. Your family and friends will have their opinions but if your aren’t happy and you don’t have a connection with someone it cant be forced and you cant keep everyone happy. If the people that care about you truly care for you they will learn to realise that your happiness is important and will be happy for you. That’s something I learnt and I feel happy where I am with the Long Haired One because we connect and enjoy each others company and that can never be faked.
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Well I’ve been scheduling posts so we are just a little behind on things so I may need to get things up to speed ;0)
Ok well I was really confused about this guy and to be honest for some reason I started to care a lot about what other people think and I do realise that is stupid but at the time I wasn’t thinking straight. After that second date I started to realise that as much as the Long Haired One didn’t want to pressure me he couldn’t not tell me where he was, he really wanted to be with me and I can understand that if you really liked someone you find it hard to be patient. It freaked me out!
After thinking about things and talking to people I decided that if I liked this person then there was no harm in just seeing how things go. I accepted to be with the Long Haired One……but few hours later I freaked out and realised that I wasn’t feeling happy like I thought I would be and so told him (keep in mind this is us talking late at night and me only having a hour or two before getting up for work-4am start) . I felt awful and tried to message him and he wasn’t talking to me. Then I started crying and this was getting a bit weird. Why was I crying if this is what I wanted … I headed off to work crying all the way in the car and then ended up talking to my work friends about what I was going through. I felt sad and my chest was achy and it just made me wonder if maybe a felt and cared more about him then I thought, it was definitely more then a “I want what I can’t have” thing.
I tried to send out a long message on my break realising that I wanted to be with him regardless of what other people would say or think. I waited and waited for a reply until I finally got one. It was not good he thought I was getting in to this relationship wanting something else and expecting it to fail and he wasn’t interested. :0( I got a bit crazy with calls and messages and I wasn’t getting any replies. I got really upset and lets just leave it at I did some crazy things. I managed to get a slight bit of hope (a reply!!) and I took it with both hands. He would talk to me the next day…..
….and I now have a BOYFRIEND 😀 We have met up and spoke to each other as much as possible and I am much happier now that I no longer care what other people say. Why should other peoples words ruin my happiness. It shouldn’t matter what they say and I don’t care anymore and the more I don’t care the less embarrassed I am 😀 I like being with the Long Haired One, I enjoy spending time with him and there is definitely something between us and I’m looking forward to find out more :D:DD:
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Well I did say there was going to be a part two and so here it is 😀
After meeting the Long Haired One talking on the phone after was slightly different in one way as I had more of an image of him then I did before, but our conversations and interaction with each other remained the same. I was thinking along the lines of meeting with him again and he seemed to agree that it was the best way forward, as he knew where he was with me, he knew he liked me before when we had talked and he liked me slightly more, when we had met and he wanted me to be sure of things.
At the time I think the only thing I was really confused about was the psoriasis thing, how did I really feel bout it, was it an issue or did I really not feel anything while being around him. I know I enjoyed talking to him on the phone and in person and I know that I liked him in someway and that after meeting I knew we had some kind of tension (like our magic moment). It was kind of upsetting me a little bit as I had such high expectations as I really felt something when speaking to him and meeting up just kind of confused me a bit and it just made me feel really really shallow which I’m normally not like. The second meet we planned I decided to take him to the park closer to home, as I do like to share it with everyone as its such a nice place. We agreed on a time and place and waited for that day to come.
The second date came round and the weather was just not looking good at all and I did wonder whether or not it was a good idea to do the park or not as there aren’t a lot of sheltered places. I got to the train station where we was to meet and eventually he showed up (yes late again lol timekeeping may not be his strong point I’ve noticed) Well finally he showed up and we headed off in the direction of the high street for some food. We picked up what we wanted and then started off for that slightly longish walk in the direction of the park. I finally got to sit on that bench!! No one was on it! 😀 Its a good one if you ever go there, (Nice bench, bin nearby and a good view of the lake :D) and that’s where we sat to eat. We had a conversation and then I thought I would take him for a walk ;0) It did kind of rain and we ended up testing my “wind proof” umbrella while sitting on the slightly quiet golf course. We seemed to bond over films and childhood stuff and it was kinda nice in spite of our differences we did have some things in common. I had a nice day and was feeling slightly more comfortable especially as the psoriasis wasn’t such a big thing this time round as I have seen him and seen the psoriasis plus I really like talking to him also at some point I had that weird feeling in my stomach when we sat with each other.
It was getting colder and time was moving on so we headed back the way we came to head off home. Before we went our separate ways I guess there was one thing we had to do first…..another magic moment.
There is another update :D:D
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