I had written this post at the beginning of the year but felt was more appropriate to schedule for my anniversary date as I wasn’t comfortable yet.
I have not been able to bring myself to talk about this for exactly a year but today I would have been celebrating my 7year Anniversary, just like I would have been celebrating my 6year anniversary last year. I am single and with out my Special Someone. I share a lot of things on this blog but this time I am going to just stick to just talking about how I am feeling more then what happened.
Relationships are of course very important parts of out lives no matter what relationships they are and how long you have had them, they will always have a Special place in you Heart. They become apart of our future and they even make changes in our lives for the better and sometimes for the worse but whatever happens it’s always something we just can’t find ourselves forgetting.
My Special Someone was very important to me and I had planned on building a future with him with a commitment and babies. Having to go separate ways has really affected me on the inside and the out. I felt like my whole world had been shaken up and that time had flown by and I had found myself losing everything I had ever known. I have suffered so much emotionally and even today a year later it is just like it happened yesterday. I can picture the very day and how I felt and even though I am trying to hold things together and carry on the rest of my life, there is still a part of me that just can’t let go. I really wish I could move on but something deep inside is stopping me.
My Special Someone and I had such a deep connection and such a bond that not being able to be together and make the commitment I thought we would be making in the near future, is making me so depressed. I Love him so much but deep down I hate him and I am finding it hard to hate him as I understand things. I have been pouring my heart out in therapy and on the shoulders of close friends but I just feel like a burden and a mess. I just want to live my life and accept my future with out him as my life partner. When I want this so much why aren’t I allowed to have it. I want to move on and not be so depressed and even though I always had such a positive attitude my Heart is exhausted. I just can’t do it any more. Part of me has wanted to give up but I can’t do that and I can’t forget either.
Love is beautiful but it can also turn your life upside down when things get too complicated. In spite of all this I still believe in Love and Happy Endings and it may not be with this Special Someone but maybe another when the time is right for me.
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