Hey Hey! 😀
Time for the Bad Stuff!!! :0(
Ok, you’ve been in a relationship for a while and things are now getting a bit tense, bad habits are no longer cute and you are noticing things you really don’t like :0(
What to do?
Think Positive!! :0P
Luckily after four years I haven’t had a full on argument with my special person but I’ve had a few disagreements and some difficult situations so I thought I’d share with you some things I have learnt and things I’m still trying not to do.
Here are the things I would say would prevent things getting tense and awkward
This one may seem the easiest but it is most difficult. As much as you think you can handle things whether it’s their job, their hobbies or their family and friends, eventually, it will become hard and you will still need to be as understanding and supportive as you were at the beginning. You may not really get why they do or say certain things but what I have noticed is that many people do have hidden reasons which is why it is very important to know your partner very well. There are four important things that will help to be understanding and these are:
- Knowing how your partner will behave in certain situations
- What flaws they may have such as hot temper or sensitivity
- How they like to deal with things when situations arise
- Knowing as much as you can from their past such as past relations and their childhood
Once you know all of these things then you need to put yourself in their shoes and think about how you would want someone to be if you were upset, angry or confused.
My experience with my partner being sad
One mistake I have made in the past was treating my boyfriend how I would my girl friends and my method of being understanding when he was unhappy about something was to comfort him by trying to hug him, giving him a drink and wanting to talk where as he wasn’t used to all those things and didn’t even want me to hold his hand.
My solution with my partner being sad
Things are different now but at the time it put us both in a helpless and awkward position. When he rejected my hug I asked if he wanted to talk, if he didn’t then I would just keep silent until he calmed down and to let me know when he did want to talk. When ready to talk I tried to make sure he had more control of the conversation. I asked him questions which required more then a yes or no which would allow him to explain things to me rather then me asking so many short ones.
My experience with my partner’s work
My boyfriend worked mostly at home and had meetings elsewhere and I used to hate it. Even when we were together his work always got in the way. I would get bored and want his attention especially as we could only manage once a week together. For this one we both had to try be understanding. Him to understand that phone calls weren’t the same as one on one time together and that we only had one day to spend together a week and me to understand that his work load does build up and that he needs to work on his computer as much as he can otherwise he has to deal with it til late at night.
My solution with my partner’s work
I used to come over in the mornings so we had more time together. He would deal with some work in the morning then we would have a couple of hours together then have some food. When we got back he would check up on work stuff again. While he was doing work I would keep myself occupied with something else, play on phone, help clean up and keep the furry princess company.
My experience with my partner being angry
My boyfriend does get worked up about small and big stuff whether its the stuff I mentioned above or anything else and sometimes it gets scary when you have no idea what to do. Once he gets angry he finds it difficult to calm himself and see reason and he normally wants the day to be over or me to stay away even if he isn’t angry at me.
My solution with my partner being angry
I normally try to keep calm and try to get him to sit down and talk about what is bothering him. I don’t want him getting tense or to shout but to sit next to me and calmly let his feelings out so at least the anger is is coming out in a more positive way. Another thing we do is to go else where, if we are at home we go out for a walk or drive, most of our best dealt with conversations have been in the car.
This one may not make a lot of sense but in my view I think it links in with what I’ve said above. One thing I have learnt is that you may not always like your partners decisions and they normally cause a bit of a problem, but the thing is you don’t have to like it! I could hate every decision my boyfriend makes but it may not make much of a difference to him as he will want to do what he wants to do and he should be able to. If your partner is happy with what they want to do and there is no real reason for you to not “allow” their decisions, then try to be understanding of why they want what they want and if you don’t understand then ask them about it. Be that supportive girlfriend or boyfriend and be there for them as I’m sure they will try to be for you. But if you think that they really don’t know what they are doing and it’s really wrong then explain that to them clearly your reasons why or suggest other things, but not in a way that feels like they are getting told off.
Hopefully this was helpful to you in some way 😀
Bad stuff is never good but just hang in there!
Share your thoughts! 😀
X x x